Perdition Provisions: Zesty Shallot Deviled Eggs

Along the road to perdition, there are many snack food stands.

Some might find this surprising, but consider for a moment how long the lines must be,
and since tailgate barbeque parties would be in poor taste they aren't allowed. So for
the convenience of the Damned, a variety of refreshments are available which help
ease the transition from a life of sinful indulgence and wanton excess to an eternity of
wailing, teeth-gnashing, and fiery torment.

I recently returned from a cook's tour of the Underworld and was so impressed with
these fiendishly good eggs that I'd like to share my version of them with you. Deviled
eggs have long been a beloved staple of Southern cuisine, though they tend to be on
the mild side. These somewhat more incendiary eggs (from way further "south") are
equally delicious, but there are several caveats to consider:

1) These eggs are unrepentant. If you ask them very nicely if they'd mind serving as an
appetizer at your next church luncheon, they're likely to give you a contemptuous sneer
and declare: "Non serviam"

2) They are not for the faint of heart, the wan of spirit, or the tender of tongue. They
take no prisoners, give no quarter, and request none. Use caution when dispensing to
the elderly or infirm. Keep out of reach of children.

3) Despite their fiery nature, they can be subtly seductive. If there are any leftovers,
you're likely to hear their insidious whispering from within the darkened refrigerator,
even many rooms away, as they inveigle you. "C'mon, have just one more; we won't bite you," the syrupy voice will lie, "We promise..."

Zesty Shallot Deviled Eggs

2 slices white bread, crusts removed
2 tbsp milk
12 hardboiled eggs
1/4 cup mayonnaise (preferably Duke's)
1 Tbsp minced pickled jalapeno pepper
2 Tbsp minced shallot
1 Tbsp yellow mustard
1 tsp horseradish
2 tsp hot sauce (preferably Crystal)
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
1/4 tsp white pepper
Paprika for dusting
Green parts of scallion, cut on the bias into thin shreds
Small capers (optional)

Cut or gently tear the bread into small bits and place in a mixing bowl. Pour the milk
over the bread and stir to coat.

Cut the eggs in half lengthwise; remove the yolks to the mixing bowl and transfer the
whites to your serving platter. Gently mash the yolks to a fine texture, incorporating the
bread as you go. Add the next eight ingredients (through white pepper), and mix
thoroughly but gently. Taste for salt and add a pinch or two if needed.

Pipe or spoon the mixture into the egg whites. Dust with paprika and decorate as
desired with scallions & capers (minced fresh chives are also good.) Makes 24
appetizers.